Thursday, June 18, 2020

Asian Doll

Asian Doll
By Mushroom Montoya

I stared in horror as she ripped the black hair
Off the top of Yurri’s head.
I ran to stop her
As she scrawled and scratched Yurri’s face
With a Black permanent marker.

My heart hurt watching her do
What I recognized all too well.
Our daughter’s tears ran
Across her cheeks, down her face, onto the floor.

She looked up at me,
Wiping her tears with the back of her hand.
She grabbed her Asian doll by the arm
And tossed her against the wall.

“Why can’t I be blond and have blue eyes
Like Aunt Holly?
Blue eyes like my friends at school?
White skin like mom?

I picked Yurri off the floor,
And carried her tenderly back to our daughter.
“Look, I think Yurri’s crying.
She is beautiful like you.”

“No! She’s not!” Our daughter whimpered
“She’s ugly.
She has slanty brown eyes,
And straight black hair.
Just like me.”

I place our daughter on my lap
I held Yurri up for her to see.
“Her eyes are beautiful,
Like yours and mine.”

“No!” she cried “They’re not!
They're ugly like me.”
I lifted her chin
I have eyes like you,
Mine are brown and beautiful, too.”

“But you’re a dad,
You’re a man.
I’m a girl.
I’m ugly.”

I cried inside
Knowing all too well
What she was going through:

Being the only one,
Being the other one,
Being the different one,
Being the dark skinned one.

I picked Yurri up,
And give her a kiss.
“Yurri doesn’t know why
You don’t like her.

Maybe she just needs someone to love her
So, she won’t be alone,
Like the way I love you,
So, you and I won’t be alone.”

Our daughter cried.
She buried her tears
Deep in my chest.

Many years later our daughter said,
“Look! Isn’t he beautiful.”
As she handed me her baby.

“Yes,” I cried, tears flowing down
As I held our grandson
With his slanted brown eyes,
His straight black hair.

Who knew she would want to go?
Go back to Korea,
Back to her birth,
To reclaim her beauty.

Back to find a handsome young man
Who looked like her,
With straight black hair
And beautiful dark brown eyes.

1 comment:

Art said...

Mushroom, you sure know how to drag tears out of me. ...and OBTW, Bonnie is beautiful, as is your whole family. Bonnie, I understand how you felt. At 13, I was certain that I was the ugliest boy at my school. I was recently looking at my college fraternity composite photos, when I was 18 to 20 years old. Hey, I was a good looking guy, and I sure as heck didn't know it at the time.