Friday, June 06, 2008

Ethnicity can flow in both directions

Adoption is a blessing for both child and parents. It is also a lot of work. My spouse and I are a mixed couple. I am Hispanic, she is Irish and German. We have two biological sons and two adopted daughters. One from South Korea and one from Siberia (Russia).
When parents have children biologically, they may impart their ethnicity and culture to their children. When parents adopt transracially, an opportunity arises for ethnicity to flow the other direction.
My spouse and I have learned so much about Russian and Koran culture. The whole family is richer for it. We all learned a little Korean and a little Russian. We eat Rice and kimchee, borscht and pelmeni. We go to local Korean and Russian events. During the Olympics we cheer for the US, South Korea and Russia. We do that because that is who we are, as a family. We are a global family.
America is not so much a melting pot as a tapestry. People from all over the world have come here to make America a beautiful tapestry of world cultures.
It is the responsibility of all parents to help their children maneuver through those identity questioning times. Racism is still pervasive in America. When parents adopt children who are from a different ethnic group or race, it is their responsibility to learn what they can, enlist help, and to celebrate their children’s unique attributes.
As for sending your children to language school, be careful that you are not isolating them. Don’t send them to Chinese language school, for example, unless you take Chinese classes also. That way, you are being inclusive rather than pointing out their “differentness”.
I could not understand why our older daughter did not want to go to Korean language school? I did not understand, then, that she wanted to be like us, a “real” part of the family. Thus, our sending her, by herself, to Korean language school, only accentuated the fact that she was “not like us”.
Children need loving parents. Parents, who adopt transracially, have the added opportunity to enhance their own lives by creating a loving “tapestry” of family cultures.
Children look in the mirror. They look at family photographs. When their differences are celebrated as enhancements to the family, they grow up with a healthy tolerance of everyone else’s unique attributes, especially their own.

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