Friday, May 23, 2008

"Dances with Death"

As I was driving back from the Breakfast of Hope in Seattle yesterday, I had to pull over to take some nitroglycerin. I got hot, had chest pain and started to get light headed. Denise drove me to the Group Health clinic in Kent. They looked me over and called an ambulance to take me to the emergency room at the local hospital. Then I was transported to Group Health emergency care in Redmond. I spent the night under observation. Denise brought me back from the hospital just before lunch today. They had me do a cardiac treadmill stress test before I left. I passed with flying colors. That is good.
They do not know why I was suffering with chest pain, light headedness, and sweating while I was driving. Nor why I had chest pain all day yesterday. This happened when I had my first heart attack. For the time being, I have to assume that my heart does not like the new stent. I will journey for more clarification.

A part of me is disappointed that they were not able to definitively say what the problem is. And a part of me is relieved to know that I did very well on the stress test. I know very well that life is a multitude of shades of gray. But when it comes to my own life and death issues, I can whine and wish it was more black and white.

I can look at this as a metaphor. There are no guarantees that I will have a pain free life. Life is a mystery and that is what helps remind me of the preciousness of the ever present present moment. In some ways, I am luckier than some, because I know that Death dances with me. He dances to remind me to live each moment to the fullest. Perhaps, if I can remind myself, Death won't need to dance with me so often.

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